


DGSD: Solas' Story

by l8rose



Series: Unforgotten [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternative Perspective, Bad Decisions, F/M, Longing, Post-Canon, Really Bad Decisions, Regret, Searching, Unforgotten, solavellan hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-22 11:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l8rose/pseuds/l8rose
Summary: Solas is the infamous Fen'Harel and he has left behind the only woman he has ever loved.He swears to himself that she will live a life as peaceful as he can manage before he unmakes the world. He travels the fade nightly, all in the hopes of seeing her.Yet, others have a hand in her life and he is forced to endure as she is torn away from a shared dream only for her to return days later but she is not the woman he remembers. Solas' point of view of Dead Gods Still Dream





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> More random stuff I write while I should be doing other things.  
> This follows in line with everything in DGSD but skips everything after chapter 2 and picks up again at chapter 13 of that.

  
  


Solas swore to himself that this would be the last time.

The last time he would seek her out in her dreams, to see her face and hear her voice. He had to steel himself for what he had to do and he couldn't distract himself further. He had to...

See her again.

He resigned himself to let his mind drift over. It was only easy, settling into his chair as he closed his eyes and sought her out. There was the possibility that she was wide awake but his agents had been following her for the last several days. Ever since she left Skyhold for this little rest that the others had insisted upon.

He was mildly irritated that none of them had managed to convince her to go with a guard but then, his agents were always there to pick up the failings of the Inquisition. They were not quite as adept at guarding Ethara now that Leliana had become Divine Victoria. In fact, they were having more difficulty with determining who his agents were among them. Which was fine, it allowed him to keep tabs on Ethara.

It was a weakness that not many of his elvhen followers knew about. They believed he had spies among the Inquisition to watch the Inquisition itself but it was for her. He was determined that he would preserve her life for as long as he could.

That thought persisted as he slipped through the fade, ever searching for her presence.

It did not take him long to find her, nestled and dreaming of a beautiful grove. Something about it tugged at the back of his mind. He watched as her dreaming self became more real, the dreaming grove matching to that realness.

He was startled, at first, to realize that he had been in this place before but the thought was completely lost as he focused on her.

She was as beautiful as he remembered, perhaps even more so without the anchor sapping her life away. There was a light in her eyes as she sang and he found himself mesmerized in her. The song was an old lullaby, one that had been sung since the days of Elvhenan for little children asleep in their beds.

A moment of terrible longing filled him, almost like a half remembered memory. He had never considered the possibility of them together when he knew what he had to do but for a brief moment, he thought of it. The two of them, together, and her singing like that to their children. It was almost dizzying that he thought of that now and it took most of his will to keep from shifting the dream to what he wished for.

His pain was nothing. His desires nothing.

He had to save the people from what he had made them into.

Her voice rose and he knew she had noticed him. It was a strange thing, she always seemed to be able to notice when he was within her dreams and it warmed his heart to know she looked for him. That song beckoned to him.

Perhaps this time, he could let himself step closer. Even if it was just a dream, he wanted to feel her hand in his, to hear her voice in his ear, to smell the scent of her hair.

He took a step forward even as he felt the shift in the dream.

She slipped into the waking world but she was not fully there. One step there and one step within dreams.

The pain that laced through her echoed into the dream and everything shattered. He felt it, that magic that surrounded her and drowned her. There was a faint bit of familiarity about the magic, he knew it as the Alinuris but he had long thought those ancient elves were long gone. It was something he noted in passing as her pain and terror hit him like he was the one feeling it.

“Vhenan, no!”

He screamed as he felt her pain stab into the fade itself. Whatever spirits that had been in the area fled as he was rocked by the sensation. He had never felt pain like this. Even with all he had done in the past, he had never felt anything like this. It was like a tearing sensation.

Then in an instant, it was gone.

Relief should have come but only rage, fear and pain answered. He reached out with the connection that had once belonged to Mythal but he felt nothing answering. There was only a void where she was supposed to be.

She was gone.

 


	2. Chapter 2

He did not want to think about what he had done. He had sensed the presence of the magic that took her and he had simply given in to that rage within him. He had seen others that had willingly given themselves to their emotions but he had never thought he would allow himself to blindly give in.

Yet he had. His wrath had been blind as he took the lives of everyone in the village. They had not even put up much of a fight as he swooped in on them full of fury and pain. It was only after there was nothing but smouldering ruins remaining that he came to his senses. Shame and guilt were added to the emotions that threatened to consume him.

His rage had gotten the better of him but now he turned his attention to the reports that his scout had delivered to him. It was a distraction he needed now that she was gone. His whole being hurt knowing that she was gone from this world and he promised the ghost of her that he would not be much longer. He would undo the veil, defeat the Evanuris once and for all, and then he would join her.

It was fatalistic but it had been his plan from the beginning. He would gladly accept death in penance for all of his crimes.

He lived only for his mission now. Seeking artifacts from long ago that could break the spell he had cast. He sent his scouts across all of Thedas. Telling them to seek out what places he believed might be of use. Each night, he slipped through the fade, seeking old paths that had long been forgotten.

It was a strange thing that he sensed within the Free Marches. A forest that was rarely inhabited by any mortal gave him quite a stir. A lone sentinel that retreated from the fade the moment he neared. He could sense Mythal's magic about it and realized this was one of the sentinels that had chosen to avoid him when he tried to bring them to him, and had been powerful enough to not obey him outright from that distance. The sentinel resided in the same place as it had then. A guard perhaps.

He sent one of his scouts into the area. There was the chance that it was a sentinel who had awakened without it's fellows while waiting Mythal's command. He would have gone himself but there were other things that needed tending before he could venture into the area.

The scout returned before Solas had ventured out, and his report was that there was nothing of interest in the area save for a hut and a strange woman with a crystalline hand out in the wilds. There was something familiar about the description but he pushed it from his mind. The Dalish scout said he had called her Ash'ter but the woman had refused that name, claiming that she was Ethuwyn. Both names were familiar in that same strange sort of way. She was added to the things he had to examine before moving forward with his plans especially when the Dalish among his agents explained that she was a goddess that he had supposedly betrayed first.

Something he had no recollection of.

What was more surprising was the description of the human the elf had seen. There was no mistaking Cole, especially given that he had given his name as such. The scout had reported that Cole had stated that the woman hadn't wanted to go with the scout.

The thought was rather amusing but it did make Solas wonder exactly who this woman was. Especially if Cole was willing to speak on her behalf.

It took him a short trip to arrive at the small hut of which the scout had stated. The home was nothing spectacular although the garden seemed to be wilting without the care of the owner. It was a peculiarity to find herbs growing there that should never have survived but he pushed it from his mind as he entered the dwelling.

Inside was just as plain and unassuming as the outside but he felt strangely comfortable in the place. Whomever had been living here, left most of their possessions behind and curiosity overtook him. He idly poked through the living area and found nothing of interest until he opened the trunk nestled against the back wall.

The things within almost made his heart stop.

It was an odd assortment of carvings but he recognized the source material instantly. There were several carvings of Mythal, in all her elvhen beauty and varying from her smiling to her looking sternly. It was the same with his old friend Ethyrne but most of the carvings of him looked sad. Yet, it was the ones of himself that were the most detailed.

They captured everything about him. One even had him wearing his favourite hunting tunic. It was unsettling as he simply did not know who had surveyed him this much in the past to know about his appearance that well.

He thought about what the scout had said, that he had believed this to be Ash'ter.

_Could it be possible? Another elvhen still alive that was guarded by Mythal's sentinel?_

He questioned it as he thought about it but he knew what he had to do to find the answer. Cole was the spirit that the man had seen with this Ash'ter. Reaching with his powers, he began to set wards before he settled down in the stranger's bed. He let his mind slip over in the fade to find his old friend but was more surprised to feel the faint stirring of that familiar pulse. His heart had nearly leaped from his chest as he recognized it.

_Ethara!_

He searched the fade, following what traces of her that he could. In this place, he felt her as clearly as if she had been standing here. He almost cried in relief as that part of him bound to her seemed to feel her again. It was different then it had been but she was the only person that was connected to him in such a way. The connection from the Vir'abelasan had been changed by the presence of his magic still within her, the traces of the anchor bending it to suit his needs even more when he had taken Mythal into himself.

All of that mattered little as a single thought crossed his mind.

He had to find her.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Days passed and he was still no nearer to finding her. It puzzled him for she should not be capable of avoiding him in the Fade. Perhaps this Ash'ter had been assisting her as he was certain his beloved had been the one to find the Elvhen.

That was a worrisome thought that he had to consider.

It almost made him pour his power into that connection. Forced her to kneel and obey. Had she been any other person, then he probably would have. He just could not bring himself to violate her like that. The act would probably destroy her, him and whatever they had together.

The fact that he even considered the idea made him feel a little disgusted with himself.

His duty to the people was what had held him away from her but there was no denying what he felt for her. The young Dalish mage who had saved the world.

He began to create a dream, one that would entice her out to the open. He knew she had a bond to Mythal, a bond that now belonged to him, one that he now used to try and summon her to him. It was never an outright demand for her to appear, just a gentle suggestion. He waited as the wolf, just hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

  
  


“ _Ethara.” He called to her, soft and gentle. His voice full of hope that she would come to him._

_But it was Cole that answered him. The spirit of Compassion who had been their friend throughout his days with the Inquisition. Cole had avoided him since he left to become what the People needed but Solas knew that the spirit meant him no ill will._

“ _She does not wish to see you.” He chastised._

“ _Cole?” He asked in confusion before it became direct. “You know where she is?”_

“ _Yes.” Cole had answered._

_His heart sang with the possibility of ending this impasse this easily._

“ _Then tell me.” He shifted to his elf form, his blue eyes bright as he focused on his friend. There was no keeping the hope and joy out of his voice._

“ _No.” Cole responded, gaining a stare from the elf. “She does not wish to see you.”_

“ _Why?” Solas asked, his voice wavering at the sudden change. She had always tried to lure him out of the shadows in her dreams. Always with either a song or a smile. Something must have happened to cause her not to want to see him._

“ _She hurts.”_

“ _If she is hurt, you must tell me where she is.” Solas kept the fear out of his voice, but his lips went dry at the mere thought of her in pain and beyond his reach. He thought that perhaps this was why he could not find her and that she had not answered. That she was somewhere incapable of reaching the fade completely._

“ _She said it is not so simple.”_

“ _Cole.” His voice almost pleading._

“ _No.”_

“ _Cole, I need to find her.” Solas said, somehow managing to keep his emotions out of his voice. Rage, fear, despair. There were so many to choose from. “I thought she was dead.”_

“ _She is not dead.” Cole answered, his head tilting in surprise. “I will speak with her for you.”_

“ _Thank you.” Solas said with a sigh. It was the best he could hope for. “I can ask no more then that of you.”_

“ _No, you cannot.” Cole responded. “She asked first. Afraid. Mythal warned her.”_

“ _Mythal?” Solas asked, a little stunned by the revelation. “What did Mythal warn her about?”_

“ _You.” Cole said before fading away._

_He stood there, confused as to what the spirit was referring to. Mythal worked in mysterious ways but he had no idea why she would warn Ethara about him. He would never hurt her, not until the moment the veil was destroyed and then it would be merely an indirect pain. Until then, he would do all he could to keep her safe._

_Cole was gone but he could still feel the faint presence of someone just at the edges of the dream. He knew it was her but he was not going to continue this dream as it was clear she would not come to him._

“ _I know you're out there.” His voice was calm, hiding the heart break in it. “I do not know why you hide from me, vhenan, but I will find you to ensure you are safe.”_

  
  


He let the dream end and returned to the waking world. An ache settled within him but he knew he had to trust in his friend. The spirit would talk with her, perhaps sway her mind to become visible to him before he did something rash.

It was an amusing notion as it crossed his mind, surprising even him.

Yes, he would do something rash if he did not at least get to see her within the fade. He had already done something terrible once when he thought he had lost her for good.

He turned his attentions away from those memories and focused instead on discovering what he could about this Ash'ter. Most of the elves did not seem to have the slightest idea about this goddess he supposedly betrayed. His scout told him that he had heard the story from the First of his clan. How she had believed that she was as wise and powerful as the other gods. A story about the warnings of pride.

The irony of that was not lost on him.

 


	4. Chapter 4

It had become a waiting game for him. Cole would be true to his word and speak to Ethara. If anyone could convince her to meet with him, it would be Compassion. Less then a day had passed but he was willing to wait as long as necessary for the spirit to find her and tell her that he was concerned.

Solas returned to the things he needed to work on, almost easier then he thought it would be. He ached to see her after he had thought she was dead but his duty was a distraction from the confusion in his soul.

He had been studying his war map when Cole suddenly appeared.

“Hurts. She hurts. Old magic, old poison.”

Everything was ignored as he turned to Cole. The energy crackled in his eyes as the unvoiced question rose within him.

“The Tree Beneath. It was waiting. It hurt her. ”

In a flash, he was out the door. All the elves were ignored as he raced towards the eluvian. He did not wait to see if Cole followed, launching himself through the eluvian and onto the path that would lead to Adahldur.

He had been there once since his awakening but the place had been sealed, and no one had been within. Now, he raced from an eluvian hidden some distance away.

His elvhen form gave way to the wolf as he ran faster then any man could follow. He could smell her as he followed the path that she had traveled. It was an odd thing as he ran, a stirring of familiarity for a flight like this but he had no memory of feeling such a sheer need to be somewhere. To be where she was.

That thought was pushed aside as he ran. He smelled Bull's Chargers up ahead and he returned to his elvhen form. Magic wreathed around him as he sent them all to sleep without a second thought and stepped through their camp.

Solas saw the open gateway ahead of him and he walked into the darkness of the opened mountain. He reached forward with his power, seeking her out and was relieved to feel her there. She was alive but he could feel the old magic attempting to overtake the connection that bound her to him.

He almost snarled to himself as he quickened his pace, passing everything as he went. There was nothing that hinted at the life the people had here once. Even the buildings were little more then ruins.

He watched Bull step out from the entrance and it felt like the ground was falling from underneath his feet. Her normally tanned skin had an unhealthy sheen and an sickly grey colour creeped at the sharper parts of her face. That cloth around her wound had already turned red from blood flow and he could feel the wrongness of it from where he stood. There were other things that tugged at his mind but only the wound, only healing her kept his complete focus.

Solas' eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Bull, even as the thought crossed his mind that the man had willingly allowed her to come to this place. Rage bubbled up for a brief moment before it was pushed aside. He knew Ethara, she would never let someone lead her where she did not want to go.

Without a second thought, he locked Bull in place. Solas would not hurt the Qunari, the man was important to her and that granted him some manner of protection. Cole flickered into view for a few moments and he ignored whatever was said between the three of them.

“Iron Bull.” He kept his voice calm, kept it level even as he seethed on the inside. How could she so foolish to venture into this place where even the spirits avoided.

“Fuck off.” There was anger in Bull's voice. He knew he would have killed the Qunari for such insolence but he was still held safe by Ethara's friendship.

“I see.”

Solas responded simply as he stepped towards Ethara. He felt like he had been slapped when she turned away from him but he would not let that deter him. Cole would never have broken her trust to come bring him here if she had not been badly hurt and he could feel that hurt.

He had not been expecting the sudden kick of her barrier expanding outwards. It was different then the barriers she had thrown up while they fought together. This one was stronger, more finely crafted. Powerful but her pain kept it from what it could be. It was interesting but he paid it no mind. He let his power radiate, following that bond through the barrier even as he pulled her from Bull's arms.

“No.” She fought the compulsion to sleep and he pushed more of himself into it.

She had gained some weight since he had seen her last. Another curiosity that he could not explain but he was mildly pleased to see that she had become a little curvier. Another thought pushed to the side as her voice, full of hurt, reached his ears.

“You?!” Tears welled up in her eyes. “How...”

The sound of her voice was like another stab into his heart. It was clear that she was far more aware of that connection then she had been. That she had once shared with Mythal and now belonged to him. And somehow, she knew that's what his power was flowing through. More questions that he would need to find the answer to.

“Hush, vhenan.” He said softly even as he could feel the hurt radiating from her.

“Let her go, Solas!” Bull yelled at him, anger in the Qunari's voice but it was ignored as he strode away.

“Do not follow us.” Solas left the threat hang in the air as he ignored all else.

He felt her fall asleep in his arms and he wrapped his power around her, willing the wound's blow flow to stop.

Everything was ignored save for her as he strode from the remains of Adahldur. A single thought crossing his mind as he looked down at her.

_What happened to you?_

 


	5. Chapter 5

He was grateful to Cole, perhaps more then the spirit would ever truly understand.

The poison that had raced through Ethara's body was not something that should have existed in this time. It was magic from a time when would be gods warred with one another. Had the spirit been any later, there was a very real chance that he would not have been able to undo it's damage.

Abelas had met him on his return to hid keep. The Sentinel had a strange expression on his face when he regarded Ethara's unconscious form but he wisely kept his mouth shut as Solas passed.

Solas took her to his own personal rooms where none of the others dared enter without his permission. He did not waste any time as he drew the poison out, his own magic swirling over her skin.

Even with her injuries, as she must have suffered another blow during the battle by the broken bones he tended, he could still feel the difference in her. Her magic was not as it had been when he took the anchor. There were depths hidden below her personal shield that were completely new to him.

That shield was another thing that perplexed him. It was completely up, concealing the true extent of her magic and the changes he could barely feel. He knew he could push it aside and peer deeper but that would only cause her pain and wake her. Right now, she needed to sleep.

His curiosity was pushed to the side as he focused on taking care of her.

They had never been intimate but he had seen her in various states of undress, and he had cemented what he had seen in his memory. Now, as he tended her wounds, he could see the differences he had only glimpsed when he had taken her from Bull.

There were things that were subtle, like how her face looked a little older and her hips were just a little wider. Then there was her arm. It looked like a prosthetic, a strange almost pale flesh colour. The fingers on her hand were unmoving, completely still like they had been shaped into that position. He had no idea who had made it for her but it seemed to suit her.

Yet the arm was not the thing that held his attention. He had cut away her shirt to better treat her shoulder wound when he had seen the scarring.

His heart lurched against his ribs as he saw how the scars curved around her chest and along her collarbone. It almost looked like a star burst on first glance but the more he looked, the more he could see the partially whole runes along her skin.

“Vhenan.” He breathed as his fingers traced over the marks. Rage boiled within him. Someone had done this to her. He hadn't been there and she had been taken and tortured.

He drew himself back from his anger at the sound of splintering wood from the nearby desk cracking in his rage.

Solas drew in a deep breath as he made a silent promise. He would not let anyone hurt her like that again. He would keep her safe until the day he took back Skyhold to tear down the veil.

 


	6. Chapter 6

She had lain in that sleep for several days before he attempted to slip into her dreams. That shield that surrounded her also seemed to protect her sleeping mind.

He would have been impressed if it had not worried him. Even in the fade, it manifested around the part of the dreaming fade that was her's.

Solas slid his powers along her, testing this barrier for some way in but there was nothing. He was a somniari, he knew he could force his way in but that would only bring her more pain.

Instead, he relied on that connection that had bound her to Mythal. He used it like a pathway, a doorway into her mind.

The dream was nothing special. Just that shifting grey nothing typical of dreaming people.

So he reached with his powers.

 

_The dream took the shape of the room at Skyhold. He had thought it would be easy to pull the memory from her but it was strange, like trying to draw up something from ages ago. Instead, he did it as he remembered it._

_That day they had kissed on the balcony._

_He remained hidden but pulled forth the image of an elf from her mind. One that she called Ailani._

_The woman was unfamiliar to him but she was apparently a source of comfort for Ethara._

_A further push of his powers had her beginning to come to a point of waking in the dream._

_He watched from where he was hidden behind the outer wall, carefully watching as things played out._

_There was a bit of a surprise as he watched her draw the knife from her headboard, but he did not question it. She had been the Inquisitor, and there were people that would have done her harm. He just hadn't realized that she had that last ditch effort there to protect herself._

_He mused over the thought before he felt it._

_Like a gust of wind across his body, she forced what he had constructed to stop._

“ _Where are you?” Her voice called out from the bed._

_She knew he was here!_

_He stepped out from behind where he had been hidden, peering at her with some wariness. It was a curious thing, that she would be capable of sensing him or even stopping the dream. She was powerful but his vhenan was no somniari. It did not matter that she sent away the image of the other elf, it was just another thing that was supposed to be beyond her._

“ _You've grown in strength.” He said, eyeing her with caution._

“ _As have you.” There was bitterness in her voice. “How could you?”_

_His heart broke a little at the accusation. He knew what she was referring to but the way she said it was far more then just the hurt of someone bound to Mythal. He regretted that he had to do it but he was not about to make any excuses for his actions._

“ _It was necessary.”_

“ _Necessary?” She glared at him, righteous fury in those eye. “You did the one thing you changed the world for. Am I to suffer that fate as well?”_

_The question was like a slap._

_She believed he would kill her as he had done with Mythal?_

_What had happened to her that would make her assume he would even consider hurting her, let alone killing her and taking whatever power she held?_

“ _I would not harm you!” He could not keep his voice gentle as he stalked towards the foot of the bed._

“ _If you would kill your oldest friend, then what hope would I have when you have only known me a few years?”_

“ _You know full well the difference between you and her.” Anger rose within him that she would even consider it. Solas closed the distance but remembered himself and stopped before he got too close to her. He took a breath and demanded. “Why were you within the ruins of Adahldur?”_

“ _That is no concern of yours.”_

_She had turned from him but he was not going to be deterred. He knew of Adahldur, knew that there were still secrets to be found within the mountain if someone was willing to look hard enough for them. The elves of this era had no idea the kind of power they could learn from the teachings of the Alinuris._

“ _Ethara, it is a concern of mine as I had believed that none knew the location of it.” He tried to keep his voice level but the anger was still there._

“ _Am I a prisoner?” She completely ignored his question and anger gave way to frustration._

“ _No but you are not leaving until you answer.” He managed to make his voice soft, kind even but he was not going to give up the question. “Why were you within Adahldur?”_

“ _We might as well get this over with.” There was a strength in her eyes that was unlike the woman he knew. A fire that was pure defiance as she stared him down. “I am not going to answer anything you ask me, Solas. If you try and force me to, I will fight back.”_

_Her response surprised him but even more so was her magic. He could feel that power rising off her as if she was preparing herself for a fight. She felt more powerful then any other mage he had ever encountered since waking. She was perhaps even on par with what he had been before he took Mythal into himself._

_He could feel something else, something that lay at the core of her magic. She felt almost... elvhen._

“ _What happened to you?” He couldn't keep the concern out of his voice._

_She looked just as startled as he had felt._

“ _You're different. I can practically feel the power from you but it's more then that.”_

_It was. He knew deep down that there was something more then just that power increase. Yet there was nothing in all of his long memory about what could explain the changes in her._

“ _Does it matter?”_

“ _Yes.” He tried to keep himself calm. “No one gains that much power this quickly without there being something dire having occurred. You also found your way to Adahldur for whatever reason.”_

“ _I told you, I'm not answering.”_

“ _Ethara.” She had always been stubborn but this was infuriating._

“ _Don't Ethara me.” Her voice had some venom to it. “You made the choice to leave. Twice. You chose to take power from Mythal. You chose the path to destroying my world.”_

_He could not deny any of what she said but there were reasons for it all._

“ _I told you why I had to do that.” He turned away, not wanting her to see the emotions he knew were rippling across his face. She was the only one who ever got beneath the mask. The only one who ever saw him. “Ethara, I do not want to force you to tell me but I will if I must.”_

_She was glaring at him but he didn't see with his face turned away. It was her closing her power about her even further that had his attention._

_Solas did not let his surprise show as he ran his power along her's, completely blocked out like he had been when he sought her dreams. He pushed further, trying to pry at that part that bound them together but she seemed to resist even that._

_It was a startling realization to know that she was more then he had been after uthenera. Far more. She was the closest thing this world had to an equal for him but it was more then even that._

_He felt his blood rushing in different ways as he stared at her. His Ethara, his heart._

_He tried to poke at that connection again but she would not give._

“ _You still believe that I will hurt you.” It was a statement that hurt as he said it._

“ _You did kill Mythal.”_

“ _You are not Mythal!” He took the final few steps and was within her personal little bubble. “I meant what I said. I wanted you to live your life in peace for the remaining time you had.”_

_Those words hurt more then she was aware of. He had arranged his plans, from the moment he had fallen for her, to ensure that she would not suffer. That she would have some manner of peace before the veil came down. That she would have a life._

“ _Then why take me from Bull. You should have just let him have Dalish heal me.”_

“ _You would have died.” His voice was flat, it was better then the anguish at the thought of her light being gone from this world before he was ready._

“ _Cole wasn't supposed to tell you where I was.”_

_He felt his blood go cold even as hot fury raced through him._

“ _You would have preferred if Cole had not warned me that you had been hurt?” He knew he looked angry but he didn't care. “You would have died.” The words broke him even as he said them._

_His hands came up to cup her cheeks, and he leaned close enough to kiss but he couldn't do it. Not without that final admittance on his part. “I had thought I lost you once before.”_

_The kiss was long and gentle but it felt like a thousand years since he had kissed her last. That utter despair he had felt when she had vanished was still fresh in his mind but she was here. She was warm and alive._

_Solas went to pull away, but that look in her eyes had him leaning in to kiss again. A quick promise of more kisses._

“ _Vhenan...” He breathed even as he slid her hair behind her ears._

_Her hair had always been beautiful, that shade of red unmatched, but now it was long and flowing. He wanted to run his hands through it, to curl his fingers around the strands._

“ _Solas.” Her voice was almost a warning. “Stop.”_

_He forced himself to move his hands from he hair, sliding them down her arms to take her hands in his._

“ _You're planning on unmaking the world. **My** world.” There was such grief in her voice at the thought. “I know there is nothing I can say or do that will make you stop on your own.”_

_How he ached at her words. He had wanted to give up his duty once, just to be with her but his duty was everything. His immortal life to undo the damage that he had done so long ago._

“ _I know.” He tightened his hands on hers, almost terrified of letting her go. “Answer my questions, and I will return you to Bull and the Chargers.”_

_He leaned in, intending to kiss her again but something stopped him short of it. Instead, his voice was a mere whisper in her ear. “I promise.”_

“ _You're persistent.” She let go of his hand to pinch at the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes._

_His breath caught in his throat. The hand that had been nothing more then a simple prosthetic in the waking world was now a bright and shining thing. The crystal thrummed with energy and he could feel the magic in it, here where he was beneath her shields and within her dreams._

“ _Your hand...” His voice was hesitant._

_Her arm._

_It was no longer that flesh tone. Somehow, she had been hiding it's true nature even while she was unconscious. It was nothing like anything that existed in this era._

_It was crystal. Crystal like the spires of Arlathan._

_Crystal like the things he had created centuries ago._

_Crystal like the murals he remembered._

_Her eyes snapped open but he was not paying attention to her face at all. His eyes were completely glued on that hand. There was something about it. Something that was..._ his.

“ _I made this.” He knew it. He could feel his magic in that hand as clearly as he had once felt the full force of the anchor on her. “I can feel my magic in it. Yet, I know it is not something you would have simply stumbled into.”_

_Suddenly, a memory sprang forth. The mural. The ones he had seen that day so long ago in Elvhenan._

_The dream shifted to his will and it became his room. The walls were lit up with paintings upon paintings of the woman with red hair and golden eyes. He grabbed her crystalline hand and held it up to the mural, seeing the matching designs on the two hands._

_There was no mistaking it. It was **her.**_

_He had no idea what to think or what to feel. Ethara was everywhere around him. He had painted her long before he had ever met her in the waking world._

_Even the self portrait of himself and the halla made sense to him now. The way the wolf's head was over the halla's shoulders and it's eyes stared defiantly out at the viewer._

_His. His. His._

“ _These are of you.” Solas' voice was quiet._

“ _You've been painting more, I see.” Her voice was even more quiet then his._

“ _No, not since I left the Inquisition.” The desire to paint had died the moment he made the decision to leave her in what should have been safety. “These are from before.”_

_The dream shifted to show the place as it was now. Little more then a ruin with faded paint. It was nothing like the magnificent things he had painted back in Elvhenan. Then it was back to how he remembered it._

_He whirled and pulled her up against the wall, pinning her beneath him._

“ _I woke in the forest, confused. I returned here and found my walls were painted with these images of you.” He hissed the words even as he poured his power into her. He didn't care if it would hurt, he had to know. “I painted you before I knew you.”_

_She struggled against him but he would not move. Not until he had the answers he needed so desperately._

“ _I felt a sense of pain when I saw them the first time. A sense of loss that I did not understand.”_

“ _Solas...”_

“ _No, vhenan.” His tone was forceful even as he felt her powers trying to resist him. It didn't matter to him, here in the world of dreams, he was a trained somniari. He was the stronger. “You will explain this to me.”_

_Then the dream shifted and he was seeing the world through her eyes. He knew the temple that had sprung up around them, the architecture was clearly from one of Mythal's temples. Dragons and plants all carved into every non-stone surface._

_It was a who, however, that had him hissing as he stumbled back away from Ethara._

_There, leaning ever so calmly towards her was a younger version of himself._

_The dark hair, the cocky smile, even the way the man's eyes lit up with lust as he tilted his head towards Ethara. Solas didn't dare look at Ethara as he heard his own voice from the other him._

“I have never seen a woman with hair so red, I just wondered if everything matched on our little enigma.”

“ _What is **this?** ” He demanded as he tried to push away all the emotions that threatened to drown him._

“ _This... this is the truth.” She said nervously before the dream shifted to a room within the temple._

_He had known her in Elvhenan. She had been there, so close to him and yet... yet he did not remember any woman like her._

“ _I do not recall what you just showed me.” He could not keep the misery from his voice as he turned to face her._

“ _You would not, no.” She shook her head, those golden eyes almost as miserable as he felt._

“ _That was the truth?”_

“ _Yes.” She nodded. “That was the first time you saw me while I was conscious.”_

“ _While you were conscious?” His mind swam at that revelation._

_He searched everything he remembered, there was nothing that held her image or her likeness save for those paintings._

“ _Yes.” She closed her eyes. “Haven was not the first time we met. The first time you met me was just a little more then ten years before you erected the veil.”_

_He continued to think back but then his mind went right to the last memory he had of Mythal. They were all sitting together. Him, Mythal, Elgar'nan and Dirthamen. It was the meeting before the end of the battles between the Evanuris. The final time that they met in peace before he had sealed them all away._

_The dream followed as Mythal led him out into the hallway but there was nothing else there. Just her telling him to leave, that he had to go but without any sort of explanation. Searching it for some answers, he felt it. The faint undercurrent of magic._

_The memory had been changed._

“ _This memory is not right.”_

_Power followed his words as he snarled. He forced the magic that tainted his memory to obey his will and return it to it's rightful way._

_Mythal was no longer telling him to leave. She was warning him._

“She needs you.”

_He went cold. He glanced up at Ethara and saw the pain in her face and he knew._

“ _I did not reach you in time.”_

_It was another time he had failed her. Failed her so badly that her memory was taken for him._

“ _Solas...”_

_Fire replaced the cold as he let his power flow around him and her. He was once more pressing her up against the wall even as his voice nearly cracked in his rage. “Who did this?”_

“ _Solas...”_

“ _Tell me.” There was no attempt to sooth the compulsion. He had to know who had betrayed him to this degree._

“ _Mythal.” She gasped. “Mythal made you forget.”_

“ _Why?” He refused to believe that Mythal would do something like that to him. If he had been even half as in love with her as he had in this time, there was no way Mythal would or even could do this to him. “Why would she make me forget you?”_

“ _She thought I died.”_

_He forced every emotion from his features. Tried not to let the pain of those words show._

“ _She did not sense you through the bond?” His voice managed to sound flat but he was so full of emotion that he would have been a beacon to every demon within the fade if not for her shield._

“ _I was somewhere that connection could not reach.” He forced her to continue. “Sum'banal. I was in Sum'banal.”_

_That was all it took for his whole body to tremble._

_Every mage in Elvhenan knew of Sum'banal. A place beyond the fade that bordered with the void. He remembered Andruil's face when she had returned from there the first time, how she never ceased screaming with eyes wide with terror. It had taken Mythal to calm her._

_His hands cupped Ethara's face and he gently rubbed his thumbs over her cheeks._

“ _Vhenan, that is... that is not possible.” He breathed softly._

“ _Tu'Salhasis. I almost didn't get out of Sum'banal. If it wasn't for Andruil, I would have died.”_

“ _You met Andruil and she did not harm you?” He did not believe that Andruil would let her go if she had ever met her. Ethara was everything the Evanuris loved to hunt in the elvhen._

“ _Not that time.”_

_He managed not to flinch at the three words. Andruil had sought her out at some time then._

“ _She apologized and then tried to get me out. She managed to get out but you put the veil up before I could get out.”_

“ _She told you that she would bring me back to you?”_

“ _Yes... you remember that?”_

“ _I do.” He dropped his hands from her face to her shoulders even as the memory stuck in his mind. Andruil who had raised no defences against him when he was casting the Evanuris out. “She begged me to go with her, that someone was trapped.”_

“ _And you sent her to the void.”_

_He refused to feel any guilt for what had been done to her._

“ _She Killed Mythal.”_

“ _No, she didn't.” Ethara shook her head. “Mythal died while Andruil was trying to lead me out of Sum'banal. She was there until the moment you put up the veil. She was lucky, she was on the other side of it.”_

_Innocent. Andruil had been innocent._

_He dropped his hands away from her and took a step back. He could not face this. Not right now._

“ _I... I need to think.” He managed before he turned to walk away from her._

_He followed the path back to his own body even as he was wracked with guilt. It was not guilt for what befell Andruil, there were other things she had been deserving of, but there was guilt for what he had done to Ethara._

_He had locked her away._

  
  


He returned to his own body with a gasp. The guilt followed with him even as he went over everything he had learned from her.

His eyes slid to her crystalline hand and he reached over to hover his hand over it. It changed from that strange colour it had been to take on the true form it was meant to be before it flicked back into that almost flesh coloured tone. He could feel her power in it but he could feel more.

He felt his own power within it and he knew precisely what it was. He did not remember it but he knew precisely what he had made for her those long centuries ago.

“What have I done?”

He whispered to himself as he looked down at his sleeping heart.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Solas hadn't been able to face her for days, even though she slept cocooned in his magic. There was too much that weighed heavily on his mind.

He sent servants at first but then they began to whisper and call her a name.

Ash'ter.

He had nearly laughed himself stupid when he heard them call her it the first time. The elvhen he sought had been his Ethara all along.

The first goddess he supposedly betrayed.

Every new thing he learned was more painful and ironic then the last.

Abelas had been the one who had the sense to suggest putting a shield up when it became clear that some of the servants were allowing their friends in to see their sleeping goddess.

Solas had been wrong to assume that their respect and fear of him would keep them from entering. Now, either he or one of the Sentinels tended to her. Usually him. Each day, she became stronger but he could not get a good gauge of her power. He did realize that she was indeed far stronger then every mage he had encountered.

There was no one in Thedas, save for himself, that would be even close to her equal. It brought up the distinct possibility that she might survive the destruction of the veil.

He mused over what he would have to do when she woke from her slumber.

“You worry about her.” Abelas voice shook him from his thoughts.

“Yes.” Solas answered, looking over at the Sentinel with a cautious look.

He did not delude himself into thinking the man was his friend but he was one of the closest he had to that.

“You should allow her to wake.”

“That is my decision to make.” Solas answered, almost a little harshly.

“Is is but is it fair to ma tarlan if you keep her there in dreams?”

“Ma tarlan?” Solas quirked an eyebrow.

“She is yours, is she not?” Abelas said simply.

There was something in how he said it that gave Solas the impression that there was more to it then that but he was not going to question it. Not now when he had more pressing concerns.

“You know what I made for her?” Solas asked, seeking the Sentinel's opinion. “What her hand is?”

“Yes, you made her a foci.” Abelas' voice remained flat and simple. “Clearly, you sought to rise her as close to the Evanuris as you could.”

Solas frowned as he considered the words. He could see it, his younger self meeting Ethara and recognizing that power within her. She was close enough in strength to his kind that she might have been targeted, and he must have believed that creating a foci for her would allow her to protect herself if need be.

“It is not like the other foci.”

“No, it is not.” Abelas said. “You should wake her and speak to her of this.”

“I cannot tell her that I made her a damn foci and permanently attached it to her.”

Abelas' face softened before he spoke. “It wasn't made in a quest for power. It certainly was not power over her that you sought when you made it.”

Solas quirked an eyebrow at him.

“You were obsessed with her.” Abelas continued, answering a question that Solas had not considered to ask. “You visited her whenever you could. She rebuffed you but you still returned to try and entice her to your company.”

He could see himself doing that. A single minded pursuit of the woman he loved. In Elvhenan, he would have had no concerns like with the Inquisition. All of his attention would have been focused solely on winning her heart.

“Tell me about her.” Solas ordered. Abelas' words had made it clear to him that the man had been there in the past, that he knew of Ethara in the past.

Bitterly, he realized that it was only his memories that were altered.

“I cannot.” Abelas said with a shake of his head. “I only visited briefly, and you took her from Mythal's temple after Andruil hunted her.”

Solas grip on his chair tightened as he turned towards Abelas. Rage coloured his vision.

_Not that time._

Ethara hadn't told him what Andruil had done to her.

“Andruil... hunted her...?”

“She came in the night, when Mythal was visiting Elgar'nan's temple.” Abelas looked away from the intense stare that Solas had fixed him with. “You swept in as a wolf and nearly killed Andruil. Elgar'nan stopped you despite your right to do so. You took Ethanara... Ethara away in the morning. I don't know where you went or what you did afterwards but only you returned some weeks later.”

Solas frowned as he considered that bit of information. He wanted to kill Andruil. Even though he had sent her beyond the veil thousands of years ago, that feeling of rage made it fresh in his mind. He wanted to kill that woman.

“You truly do not recall any of it?” Abelas asked, a frown finally crossing the man's features.

“I do not.” Solas responded, irritation clear in his voice. He did not want to admit to the Sentinel that his memories of those moments are skewed. There were bits and pieces of the time prior to casting out the Evanuris but it was all disjointed. His rage at Mythal's death had been so great that he had never stopped to consider what that meant.

“Then you must speak with her.” Abelas' face was once more that blank but stoic look. “She is no longer like the elves of this time.”

“You can sense that as well, then?” Solas asked. “The change in her power?”

“We all can.” He responded, clearly meaning the Sentinels. “She is stronger then many of us now, perhaps even myself.”

“You are certain of that?”

“Yes.” Abelas glanced over in Solas' direction. “She was strong when you took her from Mythal's temple... how did she survive the long years?”

“She was beyond the veil.” Solas answered, wondering where the Sentinel was going with this logic.

“Beyond...” Abelas looked genuinely startled before his face was once more steeled into a calm look. “If she has truly been behind the veil, trapped somewhere in the fade, then you must wake her and speak with her.”

“Abelas?” Solas questioned, seeking to understand what the Sentinel was seeing with a head clear of emotions regarding the sleeping Inquisitor.

“Her foci, the one you made for her,” Abelas continued. “It has been beyond the veil since it went up.”

Solas almost splintered the arm of his chair beneath his grip.

He understood completely. His foci had absorbed the magic in the waking world since he slumbered and been enough to accidentally blow a hole in the veil when it had been opened. How much would her's have absorbed after being in the fade for that long?

“You must tell her what it is. If she reacts blindly, she could very well destroy herself and everything around her.”

Solas did not answer, he knew that he had to tell her. There was no way he would allow her to blunder into such a thing on her own.

“My lord!” A voice shouted from beyond the door which was suddenly shoved open. A panicked woman stood there, eyes wide with terror. “Your... your quarters! There is fire! We cannot put it out nor can we reach the lady!”

Solas was to his feet and moving through the hall. Abelas followed him and other Sentinels fell into step.

He reached the door to his chambers and could feel the heat radiating. The wood turning black. He said nothing to any of the Sentinels as he pushed open the door and stepped into the inferno that raged within.

He knew they would keep the others out even as he closed the door behind him. The shield compacted down around him, extinguishing the fire as it went. Magic followed behind it, righting as much of the damage as it could without requiring deeper magic. Still, the smell of ash and fire rose through the air.

There in the bed was Ethara, her whole body wreathed in fire.

He took a step in her direction but felt the fire slam into him like a living thing. Power came with that fire and for one of the few times since he woke, true fear rose up within him. Terror that threatened as he looked at her and saw what he and Abelas had been discussing and then saw that possibility completely smashed as she went beyond that.

In a world of tranquils, she had become pure power.

He tried to reach out with his own power, seeking to compel her to wake but there was no effect. It was like something was keeping the magic from reaching her.

“Vhenan!” He shouted as he pushed himself through the fire.

His own immense power wrapping around himself like a cocoon as he struggled through this, one step at a time.

“Ethara! Wake up!” He shouted again. “Vhenan!”

She was not waking up.

 

 


End file.
